On Being Offended - Business, Executive Life Skills Coaching

The business world often brings us in contact with people who live their lives looking for opportunities to be offended. Wayne Dyer, noted author, philosopher and guru pointed to this simple fact of life on PBS the other evening. It caught my attention because it explains so much of human behavior from hurts between family members (look at Othello and Desdemona) to terrorist acts by fundamentalist Muslims offended by Western Culture.

But, what about us?
Are you looking for opportunities to be offended? Do you find yourself getting angry with people who are not doing the job the way they should? Are you offended by the fact that someone disagrees with you and seems to be thwarting you at work.

I purposely exclude people who embrace this behavioral mode from my life. I'm not always successful, so when I do find myself having to interact with masters of negative possibilities, I set very definitive boundaries for what's acceptable behavior and what is not.

True, looking for opportunities to be offended is not a dominant behavioral mode for most of us. Yet, just accepting the fact that just by nature human beings have a natural tendency to be offended. Knowing that being offended is a possible mode for any human being, allows us to draw distinctions about own behavior.. We can ask ourselves whether we feel offended because we are "looking to be offended" or because there was an honest intention to offend us. Being able to draw that distinction empowers us to react more appropriately to situations when we do feel offended. Had Othello the emotional maturity to draw this distinction, the play would have had a much different outcome or might never been written at all.

Adherence to two of the four basic agreements put forth by Don Miguel Ruiz in his book, The Four Agreements, will help us to avoid being offended. The two agreements are 1) Don’t take anything personally and 2) Don’t make assumptions.

Coaching Points: Consider how you will interact with people you encounter who are looking for opportunities to be offended and how you will recognize when you are operating in this self destructive mode of behavior.

For a Life Changing Experience Try Coaching - Contact Ruth Zanes

Balance - Business, Executive Life Skills Coaching

As a Business Coach I get to ask business clients, who are complaining about their hectic, stress filled lives, what they yearn for most. “Balance” is the answer I get most. Many business people I work with say that in spite of their successes in the world, the one thing that seems to elude them is having a balanced life.” So, we embark on an inquiry about what is really important to them and how to include those important things in their lives.


In this process, clients discover that success is based on who they are, not on what they do. Here are some of the shifts and insights that occurred for clients engaged in this coaching inquiry.

“It’s not about the job, it’s about relationships! I found out I make
a difference to people.”

“My wife says I’m not grumpy any more. I never realized
I was being unpleasant at home.”

“I saw that in the past I was driven by what I thought I should do, not what I wanted to do. When I realized this, I was able to choose not to go along with the company relocation plan to a place I did not want to live. I now know I am totally free to choose my future. And it’s looking good.”

Perhaps this quote from Pulitzer Prize winner and author, Anna Quindlan’s commencement speech says it best.

"We are the only person alive who has sole custody of our life, our particular life, our entire life. Not just our life at a desk, or on a bus, or in a car, or at the computer. Not just the life of our mind, but the life of our heart. Not just our bank account, but our soul. You cannot be really first-rate at your work, if your work is all you are.

The best advice that we can follow is to get a life. A REAL life, not just the manic pursuit of the next promotion, the bigger paycheck, the larger house. Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you. And remember that love is not leisure, it is work. Get a life in which you are generous, and realize that life is glorious, and that we have no business taking it for granted. Care so deeply about its goodness that you want to spread it around, because it is so easy to exist, instead of to live.

Life is made of moments, small pieces of glittering mica in a long stretch of gray cement. It would be wonderful if they came to us unsummoned, but particularly in lives as busy as the ones most of us lead now, that won't happen. We have to teach ourselves to live, to love the journey, not the destination. One must learn that this life is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee we get.

Learn to look at all the good in the world, and try to give some of it back. School never ends. The classroom is everywhere. The exam comes at the end. No one ever said on his deathbed that he wished he had spent more time at the office.

For a Life Changing Experience Try Coaching - Contact Ruth Zanes